I spent the week following Deliverance in a low-key space, trying to process what had happened. The biggest thing that happened is a feeling of being much more centered in my self.
One of the things I learned, or rather re-learned, is the joy to be found in silence with another man. Some of the best time we had together on this trip was driving down the road, with my hand resting on his thigh, his hand resting upon mine, not talking, not listening to music, just being still.
But the other thing the past week taught me is that I have been holed up here in front of the computer too much, and not living life enough. I suppose I get this way from time to time, but it’s time to get back out there and try it again.
If all I ever do is work and go to the gym, I’m never going to have a romantic/dating life again, and that is also something that is way overdue. I don’t want to actually look for a boyfriend, but if I’m hidden away, then I can’t be found, either.
In the past six years since Rick and I split up, I have had a handful of short-term boyfriends, and this weekend helped me get some insight into why that might be. Mike still doesn’t want to marry me, for instance, which I thought was very funny, considering that I also didn’t want to marry him, but we actually talked about why that was, and why he broke up with me in the first place. That was a valuable conversation, and one I plan on thinking about more.
Being in subspace for an entire weekend is very interesting in other ways, too. I feel like I need to balance out my sexual energy, so those Lazy Bears better look out! I’m feeling very, VERY toppish now.
On the whole, I enjoyed my time with Mike in Georgia and Tennessee, and I hope to hang out with him again…
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