Sunday I woke up and exchanged a fews text messages with Jason about seeing a movie in the afternoon. He went back to sleep and didn’t wake up until 17:30, though, so didn’t end up spending any time with him, but had a good day regardless.
At noon, I was in the ‘stro at Bearbears waiting for him, hanging out with other loiterers there, people watching. Chatted with a few people I knew, but after a time, decided that Jason had overslept and went to get a salad at The Cove. While I was eating, I saw Kelvin walk by, so I texted him to see what he was up to. We wandered around the shops on Castro Street, and I greeted the people I knew as we walked, stopping to chat with a few here and there.
He had a coffee date with someone at 4pm back over in SoMa, though, so we boarded the streetcar. While he was in the magazine store getting change, my buddy, Eric the nurse, called me, and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out for a while. Since I only get to see him once a month or so, I jumped on the chance, and disembarked at the Dolores stop to walk to his place on Clinton Park.
The conversation was very good – Eric is always full of good advice. He counseled me to stop “enabling” Jason in his abusive, drunken relationship with Drunky. I haven’t written very much about Jason lately, but what I could write isn’t good. But, and I think Eric has a point, and that is if I keep offering Jason a rescue plan from Drunky, he won’t his rock bottom and decide to learn and grow on his own.
It’s been very difficult – Jason is the first man I that makes me feel like “Daddy” and protective. I have enjoyed that feeling very much. Disengaging from him has been very challenging, even with all the late night phone calls about how mean and cruel Drunky is toward him. It breaks my heart to hear him in this distress.
Yet I also have to remind myself that he chose to be with this guy, and that every time they fight, he chooses to stay. He’s just like the abused wife who bails her husband out of jail after he beat her up.
So, I have to seek detachment from this drama. It’s been contributing to my depression and I have more important things to do with my time right now.
OK, so enough Jason drama. Eric and I went and had dinner at Chow, then came back to his house, talked more, cuddled and took a nap. Finally, though, he took me home and I sacked out not long after getting home.
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