if you wriggle your ass at me when i’m massaging you, i’m just going to get pissed off, and reach up under your ribcage and squeeze your heart. that is all.
no woo-woo for you-you
Published: 29 June 2003Posted in: Life in San Francisco
Archive for June, 2003
TFO 1: Dead Alive
Published: 29 June 2003Posted in: Life in San Francisco
Sometimes I’m not sure what my role is on this team, but I don’t care, because when we are firing on all cylinders, like we were last night for the opening night of the Trash Film Orgy, Northern California’s Most Notorious Midnight Movie Show, that stuff just stops mattering.
Everyone was focused as we went about our tasks: get the vehicles loaded, and driven over to The Crest Theater, unloaded and the sets up and ready. Unfortunately, Sid, the Evit Crest Manager, who is also one of our cast members, mistakenly booked a 2215 movie, so we had a very slim window for setting up the Mighty Quiz Tiki, our co-host for the evening. QT, as we call him, is a 12 foot tall tiki head with flames, and smoke and lights and all sorts of stuff. He doesn’t take that long to set up, but we only had between 2140 and 2215 to get the house props and set loaded and ready.
After the movie started, we could decorate the lobby. I’ve got to hand it to Zack, our set designer, and Darin, who is QT and our main graphics guy, the Trashopolis set in the lobby was fantastic. I’ll be putting the pics up presently.
Amy and Christy, as always, were firmly in charge of getting the show up and going. Amy is our stage manager and I guess during show-time, I would be her number one. We armed ourselves with my walkie-talkies and went about our business. Christy is basically the power behind the scenes, and while we take our marching orders on the ground from Amy on show nights, Christy is in charge.
Patrick, DJ Junior, was spinning his discs on some shaky, borrowed equipment, but the sounds were flowing. When we heard our cue music, we were all set. Those bloody smoke machines take a long time to heat up enough for use, dag nab it. Lesson learned. So, with Darin providing the voice and me the glowing mouth and smoke effects, the show started. Darin introduced Keith, aka Francois Fly, that half-human, half-fly monstrosity, who is our host. Keith originated the idea of TFO, and recruited Darin and Christy to produce it. This is his last year with the show, though, as he just became a member of the Velvet Hammer Burleque troupe, and wants to devote more time that his own troupe, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Comedy.
The first part of the show consisted of the Zombie Army mobbing Evil Sid onstage but, she’s “too greedy to die.” Then the first two reels of the film, and intermission. Next, we put the birthing table onstage, and Francois gets a now hugely pregnant Sid onto it and she delivers a Maggot Baby, which Francois denies is his; a gorilla baby, which our character Kogar the Ape comes up and claims, and finally, the beautiful Zombie Baby, created by our terrific and new-this-year gore guy, Jace. The baby attacks Francois, who drop-kicks it into the audience, where some lucky member gets a cool souvenier.
The next three reels of the film, I finally get to sit down and relax and watch and heckle. Amy’s friend, Robyn, got us totally stoned, and my blarney muse was juiced-up and Amy and I tag-team delivered some great lines. We were really flowing, and getting the audience more and more into it. “Invagination” seems to be the motto of this year’s TFO. I’m kinda liking “Post-invagination,” though.
After the show, Zack and Amy and others handed out flyers for next week’s movie, “Blacula.” I got the crew to break stuff down and into the basement, while I carried QT into the fountain lobby of the theater for display during the week. We were all riding high as we headed off to the Catfish, Darin and Christy’s home, after their production company, Screaming Catfish. The adrenaline was still coursing through our veins, and I didn’t get home until 0500.
We had 488 paying customers, breaking our record! Now, next week, we expect that because of the 4th of July celebrations, our count will be lower, as people want to get out of town that weekend, but what an incredibly fun weekend so far.
gleeful lights
Published: 28 June 2003Posted in: Life in San Francisco
last night, for the first time in a long time, i ran lights for a band. my friend, darin, is in this band, soulmotor, with brian wheat of tesla and tom mcclendon, formerly of ufo, and their drummer, who’s name is escaping me at the moment. it was their first gig in about a year and a half, and i was excited to go. i had run lights for previous bands that darin was in, and when i asked him if they already had a light man, he said no, but he wasn’t sure if brian had already found someone.
i picked up christy, darin’s wife, and lizz, a friend, at the catfish, and we headed out to the boardwalk, the club. once there, i met up with darin and he told me that there wasn’t anyone running lights, so i walked up to claude, the house sound man, and told him i was going to be running soulmotor’s lights. he was like, sure, whatever. tee-hee, i’s all a-flutter. i love running lights, and i’d gotten pretty good at it in the many years i did it.
they got their gear up on stage, and i checked out the board. same old board from the old days. the lights are seemingly randomly plugged in to the board – there is no order or symmetry to it at all. so, i go through all of the chases, and bumps, and focus the spotlight. ok, i have a good handle on it. really, it hasn’t changed all that much in the last 15 years, sadly. it could use a good light technician to reposition the cans and re-plug them into the board correctly.
so, the band goes on, and i start my show with them. fortunately, i’ve heard their second cd, revolution wheel, about 40 times, so i know the songs, and they didn’t deviate from their arrangements too terribly much. and the song or two from the first cd i had also heard, or watched the video on mtv, or something, so i knew it, too.
running the spot with one hand, i would set a slow chase with the rear lights, and control the front lights manually. trying to do two jobs at once, and it was pretty good.
i’m totally jazzed, because they have four or five more gigs in sacramento this summer, and then some in the bay area and santa cruz and stuff later on. maybe i’ll be able to convince them that i should come help them. that would be just like old times.
the philosophy quiz
Published: 27 June 2003Posted in: Life in San Francisco
1. Kant (100%)
2. Aquinas (95%)
3. Aristotle (93%)
4. John Stuart Mill (91%)
5. Jean-Paul Sartre (86%)
6. St. Augustine (85%)
7. Jeremy Bentham (83%)
8. Spinoza (77%)
9. Ayn Rand (76%)
10. Epicureans (75%)
11. Stoics (68%)
12. Plato (52%)
13. David Hume (50%)
14. Nietzsche (50%)
15. Nel Noddings (47%)
16. Prescriptivism (45%)
17. Ockham (38%)
18. Cynics (31%)
19. Thomas Hobbes (31%)
did anyone else notice
Published: 25 June 2003Posted in: Life in San Francisco
that the slut meter has more checkbox columns than it has headings? eight headings vs. ten columns of checkboxes.
the saga of the “married” man continues
Published: 25 June 2003Posted in: Life in San Francisco
this is a restricted post. if you can’t handle it, let me know, and i’ll remove you from this restriction.
last night, i went to visit this guy who i’ve played with a few times before here. anyway, we had some fun for awhile and then i was laying there taking a break, drowsily listening to him tell me about his stalker. i only half-heard what he was saying, because i was falling asleep.
i was telling him about the guy i had seen who i was attracted to who told me he was single, etc. we compared notes. he told me where he lived and that this was the guy who had tried to kill him. at first i thought he was pulling my leg, but he told me where he lived.
i decided to drive over to the street where he said the guy lived. now you see, i hadn’t known where this guy lived, but i knew what his car looked like. so i broke out the thomas guide map and looked up the street john had mentioned, and drove over there. on nearly the last house on the left was his car. i called john back and asked him if he could remember about where on the street the guy lived. he described it for me.
i’m sorta scared at this point. i don’t think that he’s interested in doing anything like that to me, since i’ve already caught him out in lies, and he i don’t believe anything he says, and he knows it. but there is definately a creepiness to this that i don’t want in my life.
blog code
Published: 23 June 2003Posted in: Life in San Francisco
B5 d++ t+ k s- u- f i o++ x++ e++ l c–
http://www.leatheregg.com/bloggercode/
i just flew in from plymouth and, man, are my arms tired – moisture post
Published: 23 June 2003Posted in: Massage, Moisture, Relaxation, Service
i drove up to plymouth, california, to attend a weekend at http://www.ranchocicadaretreat.com/ on friday last. the retreat is set along the banks of the consumnes river, deep in a canyon filled with oak and pines.
i arrived there right before lunchtime, and found the guest parking lot. i ambled down to the kitchen to find diana, the chef, and david, the owner. as i was walking, i looked down toward the river, where a lovely manicured lawn had frolicing men and women. oh. my. gawd. there were nekkid men and women and children! somehow, i was given the impression that this was going to be a male-only weekend. i quickly readjusted my thinking and kept walking to the kitchen.
diana and i took to each other right away. her assistant, eric, is this ottery fellow from alaska who i had emailed with a couple of times. he’s a journalist taking a break from journalism for a while, and is now working as an EMT in calaveras county. he’s handsome but i could tell right away that he wasn’t attracted to me. anyway, i suddenly had a girlfriend to help me get adjusted to the straightness of the weekend.
david was running around on his yamaha 4-wheel atv thing, so i had to haul my stuff down the steep hill and set up. as many of you know, my table is gigantic, and although it’s not terribly heavy, its size makes it somewhat awkward to carry, even with its case, and down that hillside was bad. fortunately, i made it down without incident; the uneven step that had been place on the trail made it easy. i walked around for about ten or fifteen minutes trying to determine the best place to set up and decided that this particular oak tree’s shade would be the suitable. i opened my table and set it up and made a lovely little work area under the tree.
david strode up to me, and we exchanged introductions. he’s an active fellow, in his early 50s, with a lean, lithe body that appears to be in great shape. i imagine running around on hilly 44 acres of consumnes river canyon will do that do a fellow. he’s nice, too, and concerned with the well-being of his guests.
clang clang clang – the meal bell was rung. the 20 or so people who were guesting there and david and i ambled up the path to the dining patio, where diana and eric had set up lunch. i got a good look at my potential clients. there were mostly straight couples ranging in age of the late 20s to early 60s who kept themselves in decent-to-great shape.
david introduced me to the group at lunch, and i got up in front of them and gave my speech i had been rehearsing. blah blah blah. i had some interesting questions, two people signed up right away. i put my sign-up sheets on the bulletin board, and went back down to my car to get the rest of my stuff. david showed me which tent to use, and i got set up.
so, the maintenance man was a man in his early 50s, tall, with john denver hair and the hugest dick and a 0g prince albert piercing. he was attractive enough, but he was sure the most lame pick-up artist. he walked up to me right before i was going to start my first massage and told me that he would take out the piercing because the other massage therapist wouldn’t like it when he was orally copulating him. “orally copulating him” do i have a sign on my head that says don’t even introduce yourself, just start talking about sex? (i probably do)
anyway, i did my two massages that day, and went up for dinner. my sign-up sheet was almost all the way full! yee-hah! there were still a few slots left open, though, for the times when david takes the group on this short but arduous hike up the river to the hidden swimming hole, and the wedding. yes, you did read that correctly, the wedding. the bride and groom had just arrived in time to pass out invitations and stuff. they were members of this group, too, and decided that they would get married there – it was all very impromptu.
later that night, i was sitting in the hot tub, chatting with some of the guests – the maintenance guy was there, too. we’ll call him “jay.” i had my back turned to the guests for a moment and jay reached over and touched my right nipple. it was dark, and the guests didn’t see, but still, that was awfully forward. i don’t generally like being touched in public like that. forty-five minutes later i was ready to get out of the water. i got up out of the tub, and jay followed me. i was suddenly really dizzy, and i almost fell down. i was swaying and couldn’t stay balanced. i had to reach out for the wall to steady myself. man, that was scary. slow breathing helped me regain my balance, and i sat down for a moment. ok. better. i stood back up and dried off, then said goodnight to the guests. jay decided that he would walk with me to make sure i was ok. at least, that was what he said to them. he walked me to his tent, and asked me inside. i was kinda turned on by him, although he was a boob, but a kindly boob.
the details of the encounter aren’t all that exciting to recall. a little sucky, a little fucky, a little cuddles afterward. it did make for a nice closing to an unusual day, though.
the next morning, i woke up at 0600 and headed up to the shower. jay was already up and shaving. i hopped in the shower and was pleasantly surprised to have hot water quickly at a decent pressure. clean, teeth scrubbed, and beard brushed, i went up to the kitchen to see if diana needed some help. well, ok, i was more decorative than helpful, but i did slice the baguettes for the french toast, and her coffee sure is good.
breakfast done, i went down and set up my table again. i did five massage saturday, swam naked in the consumnes river, and met diana’s boyfriend, scott. if he was gay, he’d be one of those poster-bears. 6′2″ with short buzzed blonde hair, blue eyes, a long goatee, and hairy as fuck. later, i told diana, “score!” and we high-fived. he’s also a really nice guy, to boot. he’s very masculine, but not macho, and that’s always a plus.
lunch. wedding, in which the bride and groom and most of the guests were unclothed, or nearly so. it was really touching and beautiful.
dinner. after dinner massage. then i went up and hung out with diana, scott, and eric. we smoked a little grass – well, ok, it was two potent joints – and we were all feeling fine. beyond fine, we were all really stoned.
we all went to get into the hot tub, and talked and talked. it was great fun. eric left for bed, then scott and diana. i was left in the tub with a few of the guests, and were talked until about 0130 about the state of political life in this country, and wind power. it was really fun to talk to people who feel passionately about politics and civic life. i felt really american for those hours, and it was a feeling i wasn’t ashamed to feel.
0500, and i was awake. i toodled up to the kitchen and could smell coffee as i approached. the lid to the percolator had blown off and coffee was bubbling all over the counter. the staff was no where to be found, as it was still only 0530, and there alarm was probably just going off. i went into the kitchen to find a dishrag, and replaced the lid and cleaned it up. at about 0600, eric roused from his tent, so i walked down there and told him what happened. he didn’t seem too concerned, and i went back up the kitchen and waited for him to come up.
diana and scott showed up a little bit later, and scott and eric began working. diana is not going to be there for the fourth of july, and those two are going to run the show that weekend. she’s a bit nervous about it, but they seem like they are doing an ok job. diana and i sat on the patio, drinking coffee and dishing and laughing.
two massages and i hit the wall, with two left to go. i had to tell my next client that i couldn’t do here right then. she seemed to be upset by something unrelated to my putting her off, but i was really tired, so i hit my bed and slept for about two hours. when i got up, i felt ready to go and finish my work. i headed up to the kitchen and saw that they had saved me some boca-burgers, so i hastily ate two of them and went back to work. those last
two massages were the best ones of the weekend. the one client was so stressed out and when she got off the table, she was radiant and relaxed. the last client of the day was also really good.
pack table. load stuff into the trailer for david to take up to my car. settle with david, who was very happy. last year, the therapist who was in attendance for this group only did three massage, and i did 11! yipee!
drive home. think about the weekend, make a few phone calls, and listen to voice mail.
i’m sitting here right now, and i’m still pretty wiped, but i’m happy. what a great weekend.
shriek of the mutilated
Published: 19 June 2003Posted in: Life in San Francisco
today i bumped my afternoon massage up to 11am, so i could take a nap this afternoon, before going to work on more http://www.trashfilmorgy.com/ set pieces.
that done, the bloody DNS renewal fees weren’t paid, and no one bothered to let me know until it was already shut off. fortunately we got it taken care of, but still. sheesh!
hopefully, it will be back on in the morning, after tonight’s update.
in the morning, i have to wash all my dirty sheets and other laundry to be on the road by noon to http://www.ranchocicadaretreat.com/ where i’ll be massage clothing-optional resort guests all weekend. i’ll be clothing-mandatory, at least i while i’m working.
my ad will be going into the paper next thursday. massage as a career. who’da thunk?
Published: 19 June 2003Posted in: Life in San Francisco
i cooked dinner for myself and my roommate last night for the first time. i had not fed him before tonight, except for sharing some snacks.
i made a turkey breast on rice with some veggies. it was good, but i used brown rice, which took longer to absorb the liquid, so the turkey got a touch overdone. next time, i’ll put the turkey atop the rice in the over later in the game.