Tawdry Talk

A whirlwind of activity starting back two Fridays ago. Laundry. Oil Change. No time to pack, just bring all the clean laundry with me. Hmm, what’s up with the cable modem. I’ll deal with that when I get back. San Francisco to pick up bigjohnsf for the long drive down to Hollywood.

John and I drove down to see ednixon; me, to see Frank (ednixon) and visit until time to drive to Tucson, and John, to deliver Phideaux’s new laptop computer to him. Phideaux is an old friend of John’s and John is his “computer friend.” So, John had delivered to his home Phideaux’s new laptop, and he prepared it before delivering it.

My visit with Phideaux was fun. We talked about music, and he showed me this five-CD set of Frank Zappa MP3s he had purchased from some website in the Ukraine. I was his entire collection of recorded music from the 1960s through 1992. I was pretty blown away by this.

Frank’s relationship with BJ Sexpigs is just as weird and volatile as ever. BJ is mercurial to say the least, moving between nice, sweet, hospitable other-pleaser to yelling, screaming, violence-threatening monster. Tuesday night, at dinner, BJ threatened Frank with violence. I was so upset by this that on the one-block walk back to Frank’s apartment, I nearly vomited. I told Frank that I would never see BJ again, because refuse to let that sort of person stay in my life. NO MORE DRAMA!

The next morning, I drove to Tucson. Eight hours of at first the escape from Los Angeles, then the drive through the bland suburbs of Riverside county, then into the deserts near Palm Springs, on into the more desolate edge of California, then into Arizona, with its clean rest stops but dull beauty. I knew I was approaching Phoenix because of the shiny brown sky. Truly, it looked like some polished stone - a solid wall of brown rock. On arriving in Tucson, I checked in to the host hotel, unpacked my car, and headed off to Coffee Hour with the local bears.

sonoranbear, Joe, Steve, and I went over to their home for a nice visit. They were drifting off to bed, though, so I headed back over to the hotel and slept off the road.

( what happened next )
The journey has begun.

Well, I’m back online - AT&T Broadband decided that even though I had paid their fees, they would come out and disconnect me. This I learned last night when I called them wondering why my cable modem wouldn’t sync up. I have come to detest what passes for customer service today, where telephone flunkies pass you from one queue to another, and you have to explain yourself over and over. Well, I am satisfied, though. They did make good on a promise to send someone out today, and sure enough, a yummy man of indeterminate ethnic background came out and hooked me back up first thing this morning. I also got a free month out of them.

i’m writing from beautiful hollywood, california, where bigjohnsf and i drove to deliver the new dell (gateway?) laptop to Phideaux, john’s friend. i also needed to talk to ednixon about www.smutmine.com, and the portal we need to wrap around it.

well, all of that went reasonably well. it seems that i’m going to be getting a bit of freelance work from www.sexpigs.com at some point in the near future, and massage school starts the day after i get back from Tucson.

the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the back has started feeling better.

tucson here i come! look out, the tawdriness will soon be beginning!

you know what i mean.

you know, i never let myself dwell too much on the loss of rick. until new year’s eve, when i was talking to my girl friend, dena, and it happened. we were talking and i said, “i’m not his daddy-bear anymore.” it was as if all the hurt feelings i had been holding inside burst the dam, and i started bawling like a baby. she let me cry myself out, which seemed like an eternity, and i went back inside.

it’s funny, i’ve been a maudlin mess since september 11th, but i had been restrained about this. perhaps i need to let myself feel it more.